Twin Shells and Time for Reflection

Today I found two almost identical, perfect shells while at my two favorite women’s favorite beach 🏖 🐚

I happened upon both of them, not really looking for them but finding them out of chance. When I found the first I thought it was cool- but when I found the second I couldn’t help but figure it must be a sign.. I’m not much of a believe in signs because frankly I don’t see them all that often. But how frequent an opportunity is there for a sign from a voice to appear in a pile of manure or jar of tack soap?

It’s not to say I’d given up on finding them, but now I just take them as they come as welcome surprises rather than relying on them for my own peace of mind.

Funny or not, I’d say my signs from above come in the form of guardian angels protecting me from hurting myself when I (probably all too frequently) engage in less than brilliant “extra curricular activities” as someone close to me would say- whilst almost smacking me upside the head for my latest nail biting endeavor.

Regardless of how they appear- I’ve come to accept in my faith that those who I’ve lost, whether they show themselves or not in seashells or Hail Mary’s, are ever-present, and small moments like these serve as a means of self-reflection. Do I like who I am? Do I like what I am doing? Am I making my lost loved ones happy? Am I making myself happy?

I’m grateful to say the answer to those questions, at least presently anyways- are all a resounding “Yes”.

Sure, walking along the beach at sunset on my own, had I wished I had a special someone there to hold hands with- or more likely in my character- push into the oncoming crashing wave? Of course. But it speaks volumes of the person I’ve grown into, not just since my loved ones left this earth, but even in the recent past. The girl I was a year ago, or even six months ago would’ve eaten her own heart out at the sight of happy couples on the beach, and would’ve felt so uncomfortable in her own skin sunbathing or swimming alone on the beach that she’d have more than likely left after an hour or stayed, but maintained the anxiety level of a deer in headlights.

I’m happy, and at peace with myself and my life’s trajectory. I don’t have all the answers, I’m horribly imperfect, and I drive those around me — as well as myself at times- absolutely insane at the best of times.

My heart is too big and I’m more concerned about helping others than helping myself- but these are all traits I wouldn’t change for the world- and things I know my loved ones not only cherished, but helped instill in me at a young age. I only hope they are smiling down now at the woman I am becoming in their absence.

Sitting on the beach tonight watching the sunset has been a welcome break from my reality- a busy, happy, non-stop one that at least at the moment, I wouldn’t trade for a more leisurely one. It’s allowed me to find gratitude in my work, my friends, and all my relations thus far.